I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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