At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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