The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
