4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
