did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
