We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
