I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
