all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
