The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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