I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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