How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
