No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
