me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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