If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
