Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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