i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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