I cockslap morals
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Randomize
