what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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