Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
