I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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