Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
