i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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