you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
