My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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