No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
