Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
