Who did Billy Mays play for?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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