He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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