Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
