My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
