Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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