11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
