you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
