I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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