Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
