Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
