Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
