When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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