Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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