whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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