the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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