I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
