Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
