You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
