just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
