She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sober January is a disaster.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
