Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
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Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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