Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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