sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
