She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dear god my vagina.
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