So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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