Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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