if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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