I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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