cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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