your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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