Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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