Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love accidental penises.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
