You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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