just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bring me that man meat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
