i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
