I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
