I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
