I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
